蒲團上……

從蒲團上仰頭望您眉目慈祥地端坐着
我剛從一場大戰回過神了
體力透支
乏力的四肢
只能往上看您

不得不佩服您
所經過的一切
您成道前的光景
肯定比我剛才來得嚴峻幾倍

提沙的故事

有一天，佛陀宣稱四個月後，他就要入滅了。很多尚未證得聖位的比丘，感到很傷心，就整天緊緊追隨在佛陀的身邊。但是有一位比丘名字叫做「提沙」卻沒有整天跟著佛陀，反而到靜僻的地方禪修。其他的比丘帶他去見佛陀說：
「世尊！提沙比丘不像我們這樣敬愛您、尊重您。他躲在一邊，自行其是。」
提沙比丘說：
「我只是加緊用功，希望在佛陀入滅前，證得聖位，達成滅苦的目標。」
佛陀聽完後，加以讚歎說：
「凡是敬愛和尊重我的人，應該效法提沙比丘。比丘們！奉行我所教導的出世間法，精進禪修的人，才是真正的尊敬我。已經嚐到佛法的滋味而喜悅的人，將免於恐懼和邪見。」

从 內觀雜誌第19 期【2001 年1 月】林崇安  处转载

禅修略谈

離開了許久，但總算回來了。我想應該寫一寫這次禪修的經驗，因為確實是實屬難得的經驗與體悟，也鼓勵大家趁年輕學習用身體親證佛法，這些經驗不是用幻想、捏造出來的，是經由專注的能力了解身體的實相。

在佛法的領略上，以前是以學習一門知識學問而讓自己覺得自豪的，我們都說三學（聞、思、修）的重要性，這樣是可以啟發智慧的。但是，我們很多都不知道實修的重要性。在初學時，確實聞思修在建立起整個對佛教的架構很重要，但如只是停滯不前的話，也只是個門外漢。對於此，我是個佛教門外漢20多年，最近的我才是如此深信佛陀的法是可以親證的因為佛陀成道時曾說過“奇哉奇哉，大地眾生皆有如來德像”肯定了每個人都可以往涅槃的彼岸。信、解、行、證就是這個過程，這是在漢傳佛教常聽到的佛法，是帶領我們通往覺悟道路的重要次第，而它不只是一次的過程而是反复加深的。在漢傳佛教系統長大的我，對於南傳佛教很多不太懂的地方，但是近幾年來我卻發現我喜歡南傳佛教的方式，其實是修行的方法。漢傳佛教在某種程度上，雖然還是有很多的儀式等等，這些也是可以導向我們趨與解脫的，但也只能說不適合。因為了解而發覺，因為嘗試而發覺，那樣的方法我較不相應。

禪坐，是我以前非常害怕的一門功課。尤其是在大專佛青生活營時，晚上期間的禪坐是痛苦的夢魘。那種恐懼，在前一天晚上就已經在腦海中走了一遍，非常壓力。在整個止觀的修行上，我是抗拒的。在某種程度上，禪修對於我沒有什麼作用。直到回來後，和師父學習一個不一樣系統的禪修方法—— 緬甸馬哈希禪師的內觀（Vipassana）,發現它是適合而且我可以接受的方法。雖然進度是緩慢及懈怠的原因，但是因為從中受益所以更加希望有進步。老師也說如果在古晉有人教，對於個人的成長是有幫助的畢竟他遠在台灣。一直在等待有密集禪修的機會，終於等到了。

在未去前，我和老師提起“我怕痛”，老師說你應該有中道的心，我沒有多問，不知道這個中道的心是怎樣的。所以就毅然一人走上山，為期7天的禪修。指導老師是一位來自檳城的法師—— Bhante Gavasi, Bhante 在南傳佛教中就是 Venerable Sir 的意思。Bhante 第一天就交代行禪、坐禪及日常生活應該保持正念，受持八戒後就開始一個小時坐，一個小時行的功課了。簡略報告日常生活就是走走、吃吃、走走、吃吃這樣就過了一天。4點起床，6時45分早餐，後洗刷打掃，八點又是坐禪、行禪，中午11時30分午餐，休息至二時，又是走走、坐坐直傍晚6時，盥洗後坐禪一小時。8時15分Bhante弘法及受持八戒直9時45分，10時睡覺。

開始兩天，是一坐下來昏沉、愛睡跟著來，意識模糊，雖然正念有時強有時弱，尤其是下午那煎熬的5個小時。那兩天，是漫長的歲月；師父說應該有耐心繼續注意。笨笨就照著師父的話去做，幸好之前有些內觀的經驗，所以很快就可以“上手”了（這個用詞有點粗俗）。期间发现，爱阅读的我，在身上找到更值得阅读的读物，犹如Ajahn Chah 的一句话 "The Heart is the only book that worth reading"， 因为你会从中发掘无尽的宝藏，原来吃饭、走路、坐着有这么多有趣的东西值得去拥有。顿时，我发现真值得我来。

我忽然想起印顺导师在佛法概论的其中一章是《有情与有情的身心》里面所谈五蕴的内容，虽然没办法在禅修中体会但是在色法上，就可以这么清楚地去了解，所以法是可以亲证的，没有错。佛陀说的三法印，苦、空、无我，也是可以在里面亲身体验。小有小悟，但莫小看如果可以親證一個無常的現象，或許還沒到這個階段，應該說變異，是可以得到喜的受的，而它可以一直增加在修學佛法的信心，推動着往前繼續的能量。

小參是學生和老師報告自己的經驗等等，學生要誠懇、簡短地複述自己觀察所緣的一些情景，感受等。老師會依學生所遇上的情況給予解答，並且鼓勵學生繼續前進。因為禪修期間是禁語的，所以小參是唯一說話的機會，而又不能暢所欲言因為只有15分鐘-30分鐘。

晚上期間的弘法，師父談的是七覺支，以前的我會背就覺得了不起，三十七道品是那些等；全難不倒我，但是如要談的話，了解不夠，只是考試時全啃下去然後嘔出來而已。七覺支（7 factors of enlightenment, pali: satta bojjhaṅgā）是七個到達覺悟的重要條件：

1. 念 （mindfulness, pali: sati）

2. 擇法 (investigation of Dhamma, pali: dhamma vicaya))

3. 精進 (effort, pali: viriya)

4. 喜 (joy@rapture, pali: pīti)

5. 輕安 (tranquility, pali: passaddhi)

6. 定 (concentration, pali:samādhi)

7. 捨(equanimity, pali: upekkha))

法師談的不是像漢傳佛教大眾弘法那樣的內容，因為這是實修的內容，雖然內容就是那幾個但就會讓你覺得受用無窮，尤其是在接下來的幾天禪修中，或許可以用上。在聆聽弘法過程中，我覺得語文能力的重要性如果可以掌握多種語言至少在一個單語的傳統下，還可以尋找另外一片天地。但主辦單位還是貼心的為大家準備了英譯福建話的師兄，師父今天晚上的弘法錄音會交給她然後隔天晚上她再複述給其他不諳英語的參與者聽。

七天終於過去了，獨自拎了包走下山。在下山時，內心的那種感受是：“我一定會再回來，完成我今生要完成的功課……” 此時，內心澎湃，淚水擠滿了眼眶。

写在代表大会后

从代表大会的激情，看到全国各地的佛青代表们齐聚一堂，讨论会务关心着总会的发展与前景。内心无不澎湃激昂尤其是那幕佛青的旗帜徐徐进场，大家脸上肃穆但眼泪却随着旗帜的移动慢慢地从眼眶中打滚…… 虽然佛青在我的佛教血液里并没有存在太多的元素但是至少我觉得在佛教发展中，它是流遍滋养我的。

虽然在筹备及进行大会时，有个人的情绪及别人的情绪参杂在里头而造成烦恼及争执，以为会烟消云散但原来是暴风雨的前夕。一股不满、怨恨的情绪已不安分正热滚。以组织精神为大前提下，个人的情绪及不满应该更加成熟地去看待及成全一个活动。或许在别人的眼中是一个微不足道的事情，对于另外一个却是天塌下来的关键。在无法协调并站在对方立场想时，往往是口角爆发的时候。

我在想，一个佛教组织的理事是和烦恼相应去谈一些事情的话，确实是值得我们自己深思的。

Right Understanding @ right view

Yesterday was a fine day for me, came back early from school. After the tuition, decided to go for KBS english section puja and dharma talk. Initially, my intention was to take a few activity photos. However, the topic of the talk attracted me, its about meditation.

I m keen to meditate, though i seldom sit down to practice. However, i will only grab some of my time to do something mindfully. For example, breathe mindfully, eat mindfully or walk mindfully and stand mindfully. After the offering, we did some puja while waiting for Bhante.

Bhante was from Penang, he can speaks fluent english. Luckily i understood what he talked about last night. In his talk about right understanding or right views, he shared the 5 ways to achieve right understanding:

1. virtue (avoid from doing and perform, more to Sila),
2. wide learning
3. discussion of dhamama
4. tranquility meditation (Samatha)
5. in sight meditation (vipassana)

Bhante's sharing is just like a motivation for me and it helps to refresh and acknowledge something that had been done so far.... listening to dharma is really important but choose the right one or choose something that you are interested in is also important.

沉淀中……

思绪好像堵住一样，无法正常地以文字来叙述一下这几个月来的心情。没有特别快乐，但只有特忧愁及火爆。火爆是因为恨铁不成钢，火爆是因为我觉得为什么当初已胯下海口承担的事情却不了了之？火爆是因为我不够好……火爆是因为我做得不够，所以我有点难面对……面对昔日的朋友，我觉得有点亏欠但是我又有要求，在这刻的我是自私的。但是没办法放下这个感觉因为它实在是太大了，大到我也想像不到。有时看它好像小了，但真正遇上的时候原来它还是那么地大。它如此的可怕，我和它相处了26年，虽然偶尔会觉得它的存在性，但它确实支配着想法、行动、情绪。

它是什么？我也在找，如果确实存在“我”的话，照理来说这些情绪、行动、想法是可以被控制。显然现在的我是无法"hold"住的……

游泳学

從前有位年輕的教授出海旅行。他受過高等教育、領有許
多證書、擁有許多頭銜，但是他的生活閱歷比較欠缺。他所搭的
船上，有一位目不識丁的老水手。每個晚上，這個老水手都會到
年輕教授的艙房去，聽他高談闊論。老水手非常佩服這位年輕人
的博學。
有天晚上，老水手在幾小時的談話後，正準備離開艙房
時，這位教授問他：「老伯，你研究過地質學嗎？」
「那是什麼，先生？」
「是地球的科學。」
「沒有，先生，我從沒上過學，我從沒研究過什麼。」
「老伯，你已經浪費了你四分之一的生命了。」
老水手拉長著臉離開了艙房，他想：「如果這麼博學的人這
麼說，那必定是真的。我已經浪費了我四分之一的生命了。」
第二天晚上，當老水手準備離開艙房時，教授又問他：「老
伯，你研究過海洋學嗎？」
「那是什麼，先生？」
「海洋的科學。」
「沒有，先生，我從沒研究過什麼。」
「老伯，你已經浪費了你一半的生命了。」
老水手臉更長地離開了，心裡想著：「我已經浪費了我一半
的生命了，這個博學的人這麼說的。」
隔天晚上，這位年輕教授又問老水手：「老伯，你研究過氣
象學嗎？」
「那是什麼，先生？我從沒聽說過。」
「怎麼會？就是風、雨、氣候的科學呀！」
「沒有，先生，就如我告訴過你的，我從沒上過學，我從
沒研究過什麼。」
「你從沒研究過你居住的地球的科學；你從未研究過你討
生活的海洋的科學；你從沒研究過你天天遇上的氣候的科學？老
伯，你已經浪費了你生命的四分之三了。」
老水手非常傷心，心想：「這個博學的人說我已經浪費了四
分之三的生命！那我一定是已經浪費了四分之三的生命了。」
隔天老水手匆匆忙忙的跑到年輕教授的艙房，換他問：「教
授先生，你研究過游泳學嗎？」
「游泳學？那是什麼意思？」
「你會游泳嗎？先生。」
「不會，我不知道怎麼游泳。」
「教授先生，你已經浪費了你全部的生命了！這艘船已撞
上暗礁，正在下沈。會游泳的人可以游到附近的海岸，不會游泳
的人將會淹死。我非常遺憾，教授先生，你真的是性命難保
了。」
你可以研究世界上所有的「ＸＸ學」，但是如果你不學游泳
學，你所有的研究都是沒用的。你可以讀或寫有關游泳的書，你
可以從各種理論層面去辯論，但是如果你拒絕親自下水，這些對
你又有什麼用呢？你一定得學會如何游泳才對。

Matang Sri Mariamman

佛使比丘—— Insight by the Nature Method

Insight by the Nature Method

Buddhadasa Bhikkhu

Now we shall see how concentration can come about, naturally on the one hand, and as a result of systematic practice on the other. The end result is identical in the two cases: the mind is concentrated and fit to be used for carrying out close introspection. One thing must be noticed, however. The intensity of concentration that comes about naturally is usually sufficient and appropriate for introspection and insight, whereas the concentration resulting from systematic training is usually excessive, more than can be made use of. Furthermore, misguided satisfaction with that highly developed concentration may result. While the mind is fully concentrated it is likely to experience such a satisfying kind of bliss and well-being that the mediator may become attached to it or imagine it to be the fruit of the path. Naturally occurring concentration which is sufficient and suitable for use in introspection is harmless, having none of the disadvantages inherent in concentration developed by means of intensive training.

    In the Tipitaka there are numerous references to people attaining naturally all stages of path and fruit.[*] This generally came about in the presence of the Buddha himself but also happened later with other teachers. These people did not go into the forest and sit, assiduously practising concentration on certain objects in the way described in later manuals. No systematic effort was involved when arahantship was attained by the first five disciples of the Buddha on hearing the Discourse on Non-selfhood, or by the one thousand hermits on hearing the Fire Sermon. In these cases keen, penetrating insight came about quite naturally. These examples clearly show that natural concentration is liable to develop of its own accord while one is attempting to understand clearly some question; and that the resulting insight, as long as it is firmly established, is sure to be quite intense and stable. It happens naturally, automatically, in just the same way that the mind becomes concentrated the moment we set about doing arithmetic. The same happens when firing a gun. When we take aim the mind automatically becomes concentrated and steady.

    Normally we completely overlook this naturally occurring concentration because it does not appear the least bit magical, miraculous, or awe-inspiring. But through the power of just such concentration, most of us could actually attain liberation. We could attain the path, the fruit, nirvana, and arahantship, just by means of natural concentration. It is something most of us either already have or can readily develop. We ought to do everything we can to cultivate it, to make it function perfectly and yield the appropriate results. That is just what most of those people did who succeeded in attaining enlightenment without knowing anything of modern concentration techniques.

    Now let us look at the nature of the stages of inner awareness leading to full insight into the world, that is, into the five aggregates (khandhas). The first stage is joy (piti), mental happiness, or spiritual well-being. Doing good in some way, even giving alms, considered the most basic form of merit-making, can be a source of joy. Higher up, at the level of morality, completely blameless conduct by way of word and deed brings an increase of joy. We also discover that joy of a definite kind is associated with the lower stages of concentration.

    This joy or rapture has in itself the power to induce tranquillity. Normally the mind is quite unrestrained, continually falling slave to all sort of thoughts and feelings associated with enticing things outside. It is normally restless, not calm. But as spiritual joy becomes established, calm and steadiness are bound to increase in proportion. When steadiness has been perfected, the result is full concentration. The mind becomes tranquil, steady, flexible, manageable, and at ease. It is then ready to be used for any chosen purpose, in particular for the elimination of the defilements.

    It is not a case of the mind's being rendered silent, hard, and rocklike. Nothing like that happens at all. The body feels normal, but the mind is especially calm and suitable for use in reflection and introspection. It is perfectly clear, cool, still, and restrained. This is quite unlike sitting in deep concentration. A deeply concentrated mind is in no position to investigate anything. It cannot practise introspection at all; it is in a state of unawareness and is of no use for insight. Deep concentration is a major obstacle to insight practice. To practise introspection one must first return to the shallower levels of concentration; then one can make use of the power the mind has acquired. Insight so developed is natural insight, the same sort as was gained by some individuals while sitting listening to the Buddha expounding the Dharma. It is conducive to reflection and introspection of the right kind, the kind that brings understanding, and it involves neither ceremonial procedures nor miracles.

    This does not mean, however, that insight will arise instantaneously. One cannot be an arahant straight off. The first stage in insight may come about at any time, depending once again on the intensity of the concentration. It may happen that what arises is not true insight because one has been practising incorrectly or is enveloped in too many false views. If insight develops in only small measure, it may convert a person into an ariya at the lowest stage. Or, if it is not sufficient to do that, it will at least make him or her a high-minded individual, an ordinary person of good qualities. If conditions are right and good qualities have been properly and adequately established, it is possible to become an arahant, a fully enlightened being.

    The expression "insight into the true nature of things" refers to realizing transience (anicca), unsatisfactoriness or suffering (dukkha), and non-selfhood (anatta). It means seeing that nothing is worth getting, that no object whatsoever should be grasped at and clung to as being a self or as belonging to a self, as being good or bad, attractive or repulsive. Liking or disliking anything, even an idea or a memory, is clinging. To say that nothing is worth getting or being is the same as saying that nothing is worth clinging to. "Getting" refers to setting one's heart on properly, position, wealth, or any attractive object. "Being" refers to the awareness of one's status as husband, wife, rich man, poor man, winner, loser, or even the awareness of being oneself. If one can completely give up clinging to the idea of being oneself, then being oneself will no longer be subject to suffering.

    If we were to give up trying to get or to be anything, how could we continue to exist? The words "getting" or "being" as used here refer to getting and being based on mental defilements, craving, the idea of "worth getting," "worth being," so that the mind does get and be in real earnest. These factors lead to depression, anxiety, and distress, or at least to a heavy burden on the mind from beginning to end. Knowing this truth, we shall be constantly on the alert, keeping watch over the mind to see that it does not fall slave to getting and being through the influence of grasping and clinging.

    The world and all things have the property of impermanence, of worthlessness, and of not belonging to anyone.

    

A skeptic may ask: "If nothing at all is worth getting or being, does it follow that nobody ought to do any work or build up wealth, position, and property?" Anyone who comprehends this subject can see that a person equipped with right knowledge and understanding is actually in a far better position to carry out any task than one subject to strong desires and lacking in understanding. Very briefly, in becoming involved in things, we must do so mindfully, and our actions must not be motivated by craving.

    The Buddha and all the other arahants were completely free of desire; yet they succeeded in doing many things far more useful than what any of us are capable of. If we look at accounts of how the Buddha spent his day, we find that he slept for only four hours and spent the rest of the time working. We spend more than four hours a day just amusing ourselves. If the defilements responsible for the desire to be and get things had been completely eliminated, what was the force that motivated the Buddha and all arahants to act? They were motivated by discrimination coupled with loving-kindness (metta). Even actions based on natural bodily wants, such as receiving and eating alms food, were motivated by discrimination. They were free of defilements, free of all desire to keep on living in order to be this or to get that. They had the ability to discriminate between what was worthwhile and what was not; this was the motivating force in all they did. If they found food, well and good. If not, it made no difference. When they were suffering with fever, they knew how to treat it and did so as well as possible on the basis of this knowledge. If the fever was quite overpowering, they recalled that to die is natural. Whether they lived or died was of no significance to them. The two were of equal value in their eyes.

    If one is to be completely free of suffering, this is the best attitude to have. There is no need for a self as master of the body. Discrimination alone enables the body to carry on by its natural power. The example of the Buddha shows that the power of pure discrimination and pure goodwill alone is sufficient to keep an arahant living in the world and, what is more, doing far more good to others than people who are still subject to craving. People with defilements are likely to do only what benefits themselves, since they act out of selfishness. By contrast, the deeds of enlightened beings are entirely self-less and so are perfectly pure.

    To come to know the true nature of things is the objective of every Buddhist. It is the means by which we can liberate ourselves. Regardless of whether we are hoping for worldly benefits, wealth, position, and fame; or for benefits in the next world such as heaven; or for supramundane benefit, the path, the fruit, and nirvana; whatever we are hoping for, the only way to achieve it is by means of right knowledge and insight. In the texts it is said that we become purified through insight and not by any other means. Our path to freedom lies in gaining the insight, the clear vision, which sees that in all things there neither is nor has ever been anything at all worth grasping at or clinging to, worth getting or being, worth risking life and limb for. We have things and we are things only in terms of worldly, relative truth.

    In worldly language we say we are this or that, just because in any society it is expedient to recognize by names and occupations. But we must not believe that we really are this or that, as is assumed at the level of relative truth. To do so is to behave like crickets, which, when their faces become covered with dirt, become disoriented and muddled and proceed to bite one another until they die. We humans, when our faces become covered in dirt, when we are subject to all sorts of delusions, become so bewildered and disoriented that we do things no human being would ever do under ordinary circumstances -- killing, for instance. So let us not go blindly clinging to relative truths; rather, let us be aware that they are just relative truths, essential for society but nothing more. We have to be aware of what this body-and-mind really is, what its true nature is. In particular we have to be aware of its impermanence, unsatisfactoriness, and non-selfhood, and make sure we always remain independent of it.

    As for the wealth and position that we cannot do without, let us regard these too as relative truths, so that we can break free from the existing custom of saying, "This belongs to So-and-so" or "That belongs to Such-and-such." The law watches over ownership rights for us; there is no need for us to cling to the idea of "mine." We ought to possess things purely and simply for the sake of convenience and ease, not so they can be master over our minds.

    When we have really come to perceive clearly that nothing is worth getting or being, disenchantment (nibbida) develops in proportion to the intensity of the insight. This is a sign that the clinging has become less firm and is starting to give way. It is a sign that we have been slaves for so long that the idea of trying to escape has at last occurred to us. This is the onset of disenchantment and disillusionment, when one becomes fed up with one's own stupidity in grasping and clinging to things, believing things to be worth having and being. As soon as disenchantment has set in, there is bound to come about a natural, automatic process of disentanglement (viraga), as if a rope with which one had been tightly bound were being untied, or a rinsing out, as when the dye that had been firmly fixed in a piece of cloth is removed by soaking it in the appropriate substances. This process, whereby clinging gives way to a breaking free or a dissolving out from the world or from the objects of that clinging, was called by the Buddha emancipation (vimutti). This stage is most important. Though not the final stage, it is an essential step toward complete liberation. When one has broken free to this extent, complete liberation from suffering is assured.

    Once broken free from slavery, one need never again be a slave to the world. One becomes pure and uncontaminated where previously one was defiled in every way. To be enslaved to things is to be defiled in body, speech, and mind. To break free from slavery to the delightful tastes of the world is to achieve a condition of purity and never be defiled again. This purity (visuddhi), once it has been attained, will give rise to a genuine calm and coolness free from all turbulence, strife, and torment. This state of freedom from oppression and turbulence was called by the Buddha simply Peace (santi), that is, stillness, coolness in all situations. It is virtually the same thing as nirvana.

    The word "nirvana" (nibbana) has been translated as "absence of any instrument of torture." Taken another way, it means "extinction without remainder." So the word "nirvana" has two very important meanings: first, absence of any source of torment and burning, freedom from all forms of bondage and constraint; and second, extinction, with no fuel for the further arising of suffering. The combination of these meanings indicates a condition of complete freedom from suffering. The word "nirvana" also has several other useful meanings. It can be taken to mean the extinction of suffering, or the complete elimination of defilements, or the state of coolness, or the condition that is the cessation of all suffering, all defilements and all karmic activity. The word "nirvana" is used by various sects, but often in quite different senses. For instance, one group takes it to mean simply calm and coolness, because they identify nirvana with deep concentration. Other groups even consider nirvana to be total absorption in sensuality.

    The Buddha defined nirvana as simply that condition of freedom from bondage, torment, and suffering which results from seeing the true nature of the worldly condition of all things, and so being able to give up clinging to them. It is essential, then, that we recognize the great value of insight into the true nature of things, and that we endeavour to cultivate this insight by one means or another. Using one method we simply encourage it to come about of its own accord, naturally, by developing, day and night, the joy that results from mental purity, until the qualities we have described gradually evolve. The other method consists in developing mental power by following an organized system of concentration and insight practice. This latter technique is appropriate for people with a certain kind of disposition who may make rapid progress with it if conditions are right. But we can practise the development of insight by the nature method in all circumstances and at all times. We do it just by making our own way of daily living so pure and honest that there arise in succession spiritual joy, calm, insight into the true nature of things, disenchantment, disentanglement, escape, purification from defilements, and finally peace, nirvana.

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[Originally published as: Buddhadasa Bhikkhu, Khu-my Manut (Bangkok, Ongkan Fynfu Putthasasana, no date), pp. 79-115; Rod Bucknell (trans.), "Insight by the Nature Method," in Me and Mine: Selected Essays by Bhikkhu Buddhadasa, ed. Donald K. Swearer (Albany, N.Y.: Stata University of New York Press, 1989), pp. 34-39. Republished in The Meditative Way: Readings in the theory and practice of Buddhist mediatation, edited by Rod Bucknell and Chris Kang (Richmond: Curzon, 1997).]

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新春第一帖

隔了好久好久才愿意再次把笔提起，埋头在电脑前书写着这几个月来的心情。几个月中的生活也相当地精彩，希望通过几个篇章来概括这几个月的心得：

『生活篇』

从原本孤身只影的幻化成两人的影子，从此执手共渡。我想两个人的结合或许可以发挥一加一大於二的功效。一个人横渡南海确实非常大的牺牲，而且从新适应新的环境等都是需要非常大的勇气。家里成员及我们都需要去学习，很多东西都需要去沟通而且这个跟我是肯定脱离不了关系的。不然的话，我这个磨心将会为这个家庭带来更大的伤害。

『修行篇』

一直感慨自己还不够用功，是自己体验得不够，而且都没有进步。回头想想，累世以来所种下的无名种子有比智慧种子多吗？应该还是无名多於智慧的还是比较多。台湾的融闻法是一直都是我亲近的对象，虽然师父一年只来一次（去年来了两趟），因为他确实教导了我很多，尤其是在禅修方面的指导，正见上的建立。尤其师父的身教，让我看到师父的智慧。师父都会说在他与大众相处时，总是为了守护众生的善根儿努力，而这条路是辛苦的，故还是早日证得涅盘。

看到师父这次来古晋的弘法旅程确实也让师父左右为难，我们这班众生的愚痴及一些因缘变化下，所以师父决定等待下次因缘成熟时再来，但是不知是多久。在这个过程当中，我也看到自己苦的，但是并没有当下就察觉苦集的原因，看到苦灭，则应观察灭苦之道，只是在师父离开后才坦诚向师父忏悔。师父一直强调佛法应该要亲证的，这些亲证所累积的智慧，只要继续的修下去，总有一天智慧会圆满的。我觉得可贵的是师父让我看到其实法门无高下，而且大家的方法也确实是要往同样迈向圆满的佛道，只是在过程中善知识的教导是扮演这非常重要的角色。

如心经里面说的内容，或许是无法用语言去了解毕竟真的需要去实修才会发现原来整个过程就如这样般，如果佛经只是沦为我们作为讨论的工具就太可惜了。但是有个朋友确实有另外一番见解，如果没有继续熏习的话，确实会离佛法越来越远。听经闻法的功德也确实是可以让我们如电池般继续保持充电的状态。

一时在生活中体会法是肯定会有的事情，这就是观察的结果，但是这些还是无法真正确切的引领我们愿意走上解脱的道路。因为我们或许不会认为这个就是佛陀所说的，但是无形中这个想法却根深蒂固地埋藏在我们的意识当中。